It started with small things. A misplaced toy, a spilled drink, a perceived slight – all leading to explosive emotional outbursts from my son. As any parent would, I felt a wave of worry and frustration. I dove headfirst into the world of parenting advice, searching for solutions, strategies, anything to ‘fix’ this behavior. I tried everything from reward charts and time-outs to therapy and dietary changes. Months blurred into a cycle of escalating anxieties and increasingly desperate attempts to regain control. I felt like I was failing him, and in turn, myself.
The pressure was immense. I felt the weight of responsibility, the fear that I was somehow responsible for his struggles. I spent countless hours researching, reading books, and attending workshops – all while battling my own feelings of inadequacy. I questioned my parenting skills, my ability to provide him with the support he needed. The irony wasn’t lost on me: I was so focused on ‘fixing’ him, that I neglected to address my own emotional response to the situation.
Then, something shifted. It wasn’t a sudden epiphany, but a gradual realization. In the midst of one particularly intense outburst, I found myself stepping back, taking a deep breath, and observing my own reactions. I noticed the tension in my shoulders, the tightness in my chest. I realized that my own anxiety and frustration were fueling the cycle. My attempts to control his emotions were inadvertently intensifying them.
This realization was a turning point. I began to focus less on controlling his behavior and more on understanding the underlying emotions driving it. I started practicing mindfulness techniques, creating a calmer environment at home, and most importantly, communicating with him in a more empathetic way. Instead of reacting with frustration, I attempted to validate his feelings, even if I didn’t understand them. This wasn’t about ‘fixing’ him; it was about supporting him through his emotional journey.
The journey hasn’t been easy, and there are still moments of challenge. But the shift in my approach has been transformative. My son’s outbursts haven’t completely disappeared, but they are less frequent and less intense. More importantly, I’ve gained a much deeper understanding of myself, my own emotional responses, and the importance of self-care in parenting. In trying to ‘fix’ my son, I ended up fixing something far more important – my own approach to parenting and my relationship with myself.
