For decades, Christian relationship advice often leaned towards traditional gender roles, portraying women as submissive and men as heads of the household. This image, often idealized in the ‘tradwife’ aesthetic, permeated mainstream culture. However, the reality of Christian authors’ personal lives often diverged significantly from the ideals they promoted. Millions of women who followed these authors seemed to understand this disconnect, viewing the imperfections of their favorite writers as part of a larger journey of self-improvement – a journey they could relate to.
Lysa TerKeurst, a mega-successful Christian author and influencer, exemplifies this contradiction. With millions of social media followers and numerous New York Times bestsellers to her name, TerKeurst has built her brand on candid confessionals. For years, she cultivated a wholesome image, showcasing her family and 25-year marriage. Then, she experienced a divorce – a potential career-ender for many Christian authors. Yet, instead of shying away from her struggles, she used them to create further wisdom, becoming a leader in a new wave of Christian self-help authors who embrace vulnerability.
This willingness to share her personal struggles has been key to her success. While other Christian celebrities have seen their careers damaged by similar experiences, TerKeurst’s openness resonated deeply with her audience. This is evident in the fact that she currently holds multiple spots on the Evangelical Christian Publishers Association’s bestseller list. Her popularity seems to reflect a growing desire for a more compassionate and less rigid understanding of Christian relationships, even as the ideal of traditional marriage remains revered.
TerKeurst’s journey is a fascinating study in contrast. For years, the dominant theme in Christian self-help literature was the idea of women’s submission to men. Books like *Fascinating Womanhood* and *Passion and Purity* promoted outdated views on gender roles, perpetuating a culture of purity that still influences authors today. TerKeurst, even from the beginning of her career, was an outlier, advocating for mutual partnerships in marriage.
Her early work displayed a mix of traditional evangelical tropes and progressive ideas. While acknowledging the typical views on submission, she also emphasized the importance of men being teammates in raising children and managing the home. She consistently built her following through blogging, focusing on lifestyle and diet advice, and importantly, sharing her own vulnerabilities. In 2008, she bravely shared her experience with abortion and the impact it had on her marriage, demonstrating a level of transparency that was uncommon at the time.
Her breakthrough came with *Made to Crave*, a book that addressed diet culture and self-image within a faith-based framework. Its success propelled her into the mainstream, leading to appearances on NBC’s *Today* show and solidifying her image as a relatable figure. Her social media presence was carefully curated, showcasing an idyllic family life filled with vacations, friends, and loving tributes to her husband. However, beneath the surface, cracks were forming in her marriage.
In 2017, TerKeurst revealed that her husband had been unfaithful and struggling with substance abuse. The news shocked many, but her fans largely responded with empathy and understanding. While the couple briefly reconciled, renewing their vows, the marriage ultimately ended in 2022. TerKeurst’s subsequent writing shifted focus, emphasizing the importance of processing trauma, healing from heartbreak, and setting healthy boundaries. Books like *Good Boundaries and Goodbyes* and *I Want to Trust You, but I Don’t* reflected this new direction.
This message of empowerment and the right to leave a damaging relationship stands in stark contrast to traditional Christian advice. However, it’s becoming increasingly prevalent among Christian women authors. Katelyn Beaty, author of *Celebrities for Jesus*, notes that vulnerability is a key source of authority for many women writers, with self-disclosure serving as a form of credentialing. Other authors, like Rebekah Lyons and Ann Voskamp, have also shared their struggles with mental health, while Jennie Allen has been open about her husband’s depression.
This trend towards greater honesty is a response to the overly idealized portrayals often found on social media. Women are drawn to authors who offer a more authentic and relatable perspective, acknowledging the flaws and struggles that are part of life. While Christian influencers are still held to high moral standards, there’s a growing acceptance of stories of confession, brokenness, and redemption. Though TerKeurst’s openness has boosted her success, it hasn’t been without criticism. Some accuse her of being too liberal, while others criticize her financial practices and associations.
Despite the controversies, TerKeurst has forged a strong connection with her readers, creating a loyal following by sharing her experiences honestly. Her journey from a messy divorce to continued success demonstrates the power of vulnerability and authenticity in a world that often prioritizes perfection. Her latest book, due out soon, explores the topic of unwanted divorce, showing that she continues to use her experiences to help others navigate life’s challenges.
